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As It Turns Out, We’ve Been Making Squash Pie For Thanksgiving All These Years

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Another day, another life-ruining lie about something we pretty much all enjoy.

Because I apparently like to destroy everything I touch, I’m comin’ at you today with some really bad news about everyone’s favorite Thanksgiving dessert: pumpkin pie. I’m convinced that even people who say they hate it secretly love it, weird texture aside. It’s just one of those things that reminds us of home.

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But let’s bring all that to a screeching halt for a second, shall we? That pumpkin pie you’ve been bringing to Thanksgiving dinner every year since the dawn of time should actually be called “squash pie” because everything is an illusion.

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That’s right. Life is full of lies, my friends. Bask in them. Let them eat you alive.

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Unless you’ve made a habit of going out into your personal pumpkin patch and whipping up some puree from scratch (and let’s be real, you’ve done no such thing), you’ve been stuffing your pies with squash puree masquerading as pumpkin for all these years.

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Because the food industry never wants us to trust anyone again, brands like Libby’s mash up a few varieties of winter squash and call it a day.

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If you’ve ever carved a pumpkin, you’ve probably noticed that the stuff you scoop out is usually stringy and watery. It’s that stringiness and wateriness that makes it too hard to puree and package.

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But at least you’ll know the truth this November when you sit around the Thanksgiving table in the house that dishonesty built. I just want to know one thing…

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WHY HAVE WE BEEN FORCED TO LIVE IN A WORLD SO FULL OF DECEIT?



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